Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
