Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
