I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
