Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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