i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
40s are totally the cure
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
