listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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