it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
