so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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