Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
