walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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