It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
