Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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