I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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