Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
