Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
