I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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