i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
