It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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