One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
