Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
