why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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