Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
