Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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