I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
