I need help removing her.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
