I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
