apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
