I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
