there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
did i walk over a car last night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
