When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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