I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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