I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
