new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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