so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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