I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
