Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
