they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
