Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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