i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
