how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
