Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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