if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
