Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
