I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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