hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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