And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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