Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
