nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
