I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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