last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
