I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
