how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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