i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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