I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
