Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
