david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
