i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
